March 4, 2004
I really feel dirty, like he is still raping me and I cannot get clean. I have taken three showers today and I cannot get rid of that feeling. I still feel like he is raping me. I am afraid of the chain of command, afraid of talking about what happened, but I want to see a counselor. I have been trying to talk to the Chaplain but I am afraid to tell her everything. I have reached out to the Command Master Chief, but I am afraid to get to close to her too. I have tried to talk to one of my friends, but I cannot talk to her either. I feel so alone and like what happened was my fault. I do not know how the investigation turned out. All I know is what the Master Chief told, “We believe you but there is nothing we can do about it. Promise me that you will continue to go to counseling. Here are your orders to your next command.