Journal Entry from 20 January 2004

This is from The Boulders In My Life That Shaped My Journey

 

Dear Journal,

I cannot sleep because I am so scared that Troll is going to rape me again. He was on this side of the base and I am so scared. I do not feel safe. I should have fought him. I should have made him kill me. I should have screamed. I cannot believe that I was raped. I cannot believe that this happened again.

Tonight, I went down to the smoke pit and smoked an entire pack because I am afraid that he is going to come and rape me again. I want to tell someone exactly what he did to me, but I have only been in since August. I am so terrified of the chain of command and do not know how to say to them what I need to say.

The chain of command is treating me like I did something wrong and i was told that I am going to talk to a Chief about my drinking because being raped was my fault. Then they sent me to a medical facility on base to evaluate me. I had to meet with a psychologist and did a mental evaluation. I was just raped. I am not the one that did something wrong. He raped me!!!

Author: shellback0608

Julie "Jewels" is an Author, Poet, Nia Blue Belt, Green Belt, White Belt dance instructor, Reiki Jin Kei Do Energy Healer, and advocate. When she is not writing, you can find her learning new Nia routines, listening to healing music, taking photographs, playing with her dog and spending time with her friends and family.

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