Pain runs deep,
Deep goes deep my core,
Everything changed when I was 11,
Everything changed when I was 19,
Everything changed when I was 23,
Everything changed when I was 25,
The person I was vanished and learned how to
dissociate because I wanted to be any where else
but in my body.
So much hurt and sadness,
So much betrayal,
So much grief,
So many tears,
So much rage,
Flashbacks, nightmares, being afraid,
Looking over my shoulder,
Afraid to leave the house,
Tired of people doing nothing about
rape and protecting rapists
Tired of being told that I deserved it
Tired of people saying that part of growing
up is to be raped,
Tired of people saying that attending a university
requires one to be raped,
Tired of people saying that serving in military
requires one to be raped because rape is part of
the military and an occupational hazard.
Just so tired and wish that they would have killed me
Tired of nightmares, flashbacks, grief, tears
Tired of feeling,
Tired of not being able to look in mirror
because all I see is the person that was raped and
all of the feelings.
Tired of being a woman, want nothing to
do with being a woman.
Tired of damn politicians making great speeches
but that is all they all, nothing more then a great
Sick of people blaming me and other survivors
for being raped.
Sick of people making excuses for rapists,
Just want the pain to stop
So much pain that goes to my core,
and causes me to want to hide away and
do anything to take the pain away,
Some days want nothing to do with people,
Some days, like today, just cry because that is
all I can do.