Pain Runs Deep

Pain runs deep,

Deep goes deep my core,

Everything changed when I was 11,

Everything changed when I was 19,

Everything changed when I was 23,

Everything changed when I was 25,

The person I was vanished and learned how to

dissociate because I wanted to be any where else

but in my body.

So much hurt and sadness,

So much betrayal,

So much grief,

So many tears,

So much rage,

Flashbacks, nightmares, being afraid,

Looking over my shoulder,

Afraid to leave the house,

Tired of people doing nothing about

rape and protecting rapists

Tired of being told that I deserved it

Tired of people saying that part of growing

up is to be raped,

Tired of people saying that attending a university

requires one to be raped,

Tired of people saying that serving in military

requires one to be raped because rape is part of

the military and an occupational hazard.

Just so tired and wish that they would have killed me

Tired of nightmares, flashbacks, grief, tears

Tired of feeling,

Tired of not being able to look in mirror

because all I see is the person that was raped and

all of the feelings.

Tired of being a woman, want nothing to

do with being a woman.

Tired of damn politicians making great speeches

but that is all they all, nothing more then a great

speech.

Sick of people blaming me and other survivors

for being raped.

Sick of people making excuses for rapists,

Just want the pain to stop

So much pain that goes to my core,

and causes me to want to hide away and

do anything to take the pain away,

Some days want nothing to do with people,

Some days, like today, just cry because that is

all I can do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author: shellback0608

Julie "Jewels" is an Author, Poet, Nia Blue Belt, Green Belt, White Belt dance instructor, Reiki Jin Kei Do Energy Healer, and advocate. When she is not writing, you can find her learning new Nia routines, listening to healing music, taking photographs, playing with her dog and spending time with her friends and family.

2 thoughts on “Pain Runs Deep”

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