Do not reach out

Feeling alone,

I am on deployment,

Stuck on a huge ship out in the

middle of the ocean some where,

Feeling so many feelings,

start to feel depressed,

Flashbacks, Nightmares,

Try to reach out to SAVI to talk,

Told that she did not care,

And that I was lying,

I was just needing someone to listen,

Someone to be there,

Feeling alone, depressed, suicidal,

There is no one to talk to,

No one that cares,

Chain of command that calls me a liar,

Cry myself to sleep at night when in rack,

Flashbacks, Nightmares,

I need to talk to someone,

But I will not talk to a male about

What happened to me at A school.

Try again to reach out to another SAVI

But told by her to go away,

She does not care.

The trained SAVI’s that are supposed to

Care do not care.

Start to feel even more alone and depressed,

Pick up lighter for the first time and burn my arm

on purpose,

Self hatred, suicidal, alone, depressed,

No one to talk to!!

I learned to never reach out to chain of command,

and I will never reach out to SAVI’s again.

All I am asking for is  someone to be there,

to just listen,

For someone to tell me they believe me,

Do not want them to do anything,

Just want them to listen,

To be a shoulder to cry on.


Author: shellback0608

Julie "Jewels" is an Author, Poet, Nia Blue Belt, Green Belt, White Belt dance instructor, Reiki Jin Kei Do Energy Healer, and advocate. When she is not writing, you can find her learning new Nia routines, listening to healing music, taking photographs, playing with her dog and spending time with her friends and family.

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