Invokes feelings of not being worthy or heard

About three weeks ago, I went to the VA hospital for the second time in a long time. I was told that I needed to be there two hours before my appointment to get blood drawn. I went to the lab to have blood drawn. I started crying when my blood was drawn. What had happened was that triggered memories inside of me.

Next I went to the women’s health clinic, used the kiosk to check in and waited to be seen. The nurse called me back. She asked me why I was there, took my blood pressure that was through the roof like it is every time I go to the VA. Then she asked me if I was there for my annual exam. No, I was there to get my ankle checked out. I went back out and sat in the waiting room. While I was waiting, there were three other veterans that started talking. They got called back to there appointments and while I was sitting in the waiting room  two men came walking through. One was a African American in a police uniform and that triggered memories inside of me. Then an older man came in and delivered something to the front desk. I got very triggered and ended up leaving before I ever saw the nurse practitioner.

The Women’s Health Clinic is a women’s health clinic and there should not be men walking through that part of the hospital. I will not be going back to the VA.  I have told them over and over again how going there triggers memories of what happened on the ship I was on, what the chain of command did and did not do, and every time my PTS is triggered severely. I know that I served my country but this is no longer worth it to me. I do not feel heard, believed, cared about, and unworthy. Also, I do not feel that the staff cares about women veterans.

 

Author: shellback0608

Julie "Jewels" is an Author, Poet, Nia Blue Belt, Green Belt, White Belt dance instructor, Reiki Jin Kei Do Energy Healer, and advocate. When she is not writing, you can find her learning new Nia routines, listening to healing music, taking photographs, playing with her dog and spending time with her friends and family.

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