What I do to function on a daily basis

When I wake up in the morning, I get my journal and I write down any nightmares from the night before. Next I get up if I feel like it or I will stay in bed until I am done crying. I live with Complex PTSD. I can not work and at times will not leave the house. I have found that going to dance helps me to be around other women that are on similar healing paths to mine. I am coming back into my body and learning that I need to talk about what happened to me when I was eleven.

Today I left the house and went to see my therapist. We talked about what has been happening with me. I told her where I hold my trauma memories and she started to talk to me about somatic experiencing. I am tried of living with constant triggers, flashbacks, nightmares, depression, PTSD, grief, rage, and fighting to live with Post Traumatic Stress. I am tired of the chronic pain from the trauma memories getting stuck in my left ankle, right knee, small of back, and shoulders. I can not work and have lost four jobs because of my Post Traumatic Stress.

I just want to let go of all of this pain. I want to let go of the memories. I am tired of this controlling my life. I am tired of them controlling my life. They took enough when they raped me. They took enough when I lost my childhood, university education, career in the Navy. They took enough from me when they would not do a damn thing when he admitted to raping me in an email.

I am tired of everything that I have to do function every day. I go to dance, see therapist once a week, sometimes twice a week, go to Reiki and then go to see a Somatic Experience Professional and all of this is just so that I can function.

 

Author: shellback0608

Julie "Jewels" is an Author, Poet, Nia Blue Belt, Green Belt, White Belt dance instructor, Reiki Jin Kei Do Energy Healer, and advocate. When she is not writing, you can find her learning new Nia routines, listening to healing music, taking photographs, playing with her dog and spending time with her friends and family.

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