Journey Back to My Body and Myself


Wanted to share this again. This is one of my pieces that I love.

Healing from Military Sexual Trauma and Post Traumatic Stress

My journey back to myself started when I stopped drinking,

When I stopped hurting myself,

When I started going to therapy and started on my road to healing.

When I made a decision to ask for help and

found my way to Artemis Rising

When I started to admit that I was raped at 11, 19, 23, 25 and

Started to tell my truth, my story.

When I started to put the shame where it belonged

On the rapists, society, and chain of command that did nothing.

When I started to talk about what the third class petty officer did to me,

When I started to talk about the retaliation that occurred.

When I started to talk about how the chain of command emotionally abused me

When I started to talk about the nightmares and flashbacks,

When I started to talk about the deep betrayal that I have felt,

When…

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What is Power?


I read this poem today to a group of women. They totally loved it and see me leading women in the future. I totally see myself doing that to. I want to take everything that I have been through and help other survivors to heal. I want to educate people that do not understand.

Healing from Military Sexual Trauma and Post Traumatic Stress

Power is found in choice.
Power is found in joy.
Power is found strength.
Power is found in loving yourself and others.
Power is found in compassion for oneself and others.
Power is found in being with community and power with.
Power is found in sounding and taking up space.
Power is allowing yourself to observe without reacting.
Power is allowing your authentic self to be seen.
Power is in the ability to come back into your body.
Power is found in breathing deeply and being rooted.
Power is found is sharing what one senses.
Power is found in laughter.
Power is found in truly believing in oneself.
Power is being able to tell your truth even when your voice is shaking.
Power is found in being able to truly be there for another to listen to what he or she has to say.
Power is found in feeling to…

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What is Power?


Power is found in choice.
Power is found in joy.
Power is found strength.
Power is found in loving yourself and others.
Power is found in compassion for oneself and others.
Power is found in being with community and power with.
Power is found in sounding and taking up space.
Power is allowing yourself to observe without reacting.
Power is allowing your authentic self to be seen.
Power is in the ability to come back into your body.
Power is found in breathing deeply and being rooted.
Power is found is sharing what one senses.
Power is found in laughter.
Power is found in truly believing in oneself.
Power is being able to tell your truth even when your voice is shaking.
Power is found in being able to truly be there for another to listen to what he or she has to say.
Power is found in feeling to heal.
Power is found in releasing emotions.
Power is drawing the line and saying enough is enough.
Power is taking a stand against what is right and wrong.
Power is advocating to make a change in this world.
Power is advocating for those that have not found their voice yet.
Power is the ability to choose to help others.
Power is saying this is not how may story is going to end.
Power is using one’s past to transform into what you what to be.

What have I been up to this week?


This week as been amazing. I have been able to be there for White Belt trainees as an auditor, inn keeper, and emotional support. I have learned more about the principles White Belt by auditing and am deepening my Nia practice that much more. I have come  more into my body and am listening deeper. I know what to do about the pain that I feel from the trauma’s. I let myself feel the feelings, cry and express myself with judgement.

I am working on writing my second part to my book that tells my truth from when I found Nia to now. I have changed a lot. I am continuing to heal. I have learned that I still want to advocate but I am not going to worrying with Washington(that seems like a waste of time to me).

My friends have told me that they love my poetry and they would love for me to publish the poetry I have written in a book. So all of this is in the works. It’s going to take a little bit of time but a new book will be coming out. I am really excited about this. I am a wounded healer and I want to help as many people as I can.

What Does It Mean To have Courage?


Courage is being afraid but doing it any ways.

Courage is showing up and suiting up each and every day.

Courage is standing up for your beliefs.

Courage is doing the right thing, not the easy thing.

Courage is having the ability to speak up when things are wrong.

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak.

Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.

Courage starts with showing up and allowing our authentic selves to be seen.

Courage is being able to reach out and ask for help.

Courage does not mean that you are not afraid.

Courage is when you are willing to be vulnerable and allow your real feelings to come out.

Courage is when you are terrified to tell your story but realize you need to tell your story and by sharing your story it will help others to heal.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but the judgement that something else is more important than fear.

Courage is the first quality of a Warrior.

Courage means that fear does not stop you.

Courage is protecting those that you care about.

Courage is standing up for those that need protection.

Courage is being able to inspire others.

Courage is the commitment to go on.

Courage is facing the pain that is deep inside.

Courage is taking a stand against things that are wrong.

Courage does not roar, sometimes courage is having the ability to say I will try again tomorrow.

Courage is doing the best you can do for today.

Courage is reaching out a hand to help others.

Courage is following your heart and intuition.

Courage is the magic that makes dreams became a reality

Courage is when you are willing to take steps to take care of yourself.

Courage is when you able to show your tears.

 

Grief and Rising


 

Missing the innocent girl I was

Miss the trusting girl I was

I miss the girl who chased her dream to serve her country

Thinking that the six guys and chain of command had killed her

Just go through the motions

Afraid to trust

Afraid to feel

Dissociate because that is what she was taught

Sometimes have thought why did you just not fight them and make them kill you,

why did you just ya there, why did you not jump when you had the chance,

Sometimes have wanted to get rid of this body, to hide this body

so that men would not look at me or hurt me again

But the belief it happened because of what I was wearing and that I was drunk, came from society not me.

It is time to unlearn everything that society has taught me,

Time to learn to feel, to stay present, to cry, to be angry, to laugh, to sing.

Am learning every day that there are more threads to me

That I am rising and changing, rediscovering who I am becoming who I want to be

Putting the pieces back together and becoming an arrow continuing to rise into the light

Shining light on the things that I have never told anyone and letting go of old habits, old ways of doing things

I will become who I want to be and the world is going to hear me, ROAR!!

I will speak my truth, and they will hear me

I do not care what they think

No more excuses!! No more abuse!!

I am back!!!! I have the little girl back!!

She is stronger

She is beautiful

Yes she is changed, but she is complex, caring, and compassionate, understanding and she is faultless.

She has brought with her: Patience, Truth, Anger, and Empowerment

She is not alone and together we will rise.

 

 

Copyrighted 2015