Missing the innocent girl I was
Miss the trusting girl I was
I miss the girl who chased her dream to serve her country
Thinking that the six guys and chain of command had killed her
Just go through the motions
Afraid to trust
Afraid to feel
Dissociate because that is what she was taught
Sometimes have thought why did you just not fight them and make them kill you,
why did you just ya there, why did you not jump when you had the chance,
Sometimes have wanted to get rid of this body, to hide this body
so that men would not look at me or hurt me again
But the belief it happened because of what I was wearing and that I was drunk, came from society not me.
It is time to unlearn everything that society has taught me,
Time to learn to feel, to stay present, to cry, to be angry, to laugh, to sing.
Am learning every day that there are more threads to me
That I am rising and changing, rediscovering who I am becoming who I want to be
Putting the pieces back together and becoming an arrow continuing to rise into the light
Shining light on the things that I have never told anyone and letting go of old habits, old ways of doing things
I will become who I want to be and the world is going to hear me, ROAR!!
I will speak my truth, and they will hear me
I do not care what they think
No more excuses!! No more abuse!!
I am back!!!! I have the little girl back!!
She is stronger
She is beautiful
Yes she is changed, but she is complex, caring, and compassionate, understanding and she is faultless.
She has brought with her: Patience, Truth, Anger, and Empowerment
She is not alone and together we will rise.