Grief and Rising

 

Missing the innocent girl I was

Miss the trusting girl I was

I miss the girl who chased her dream to serve her country

Thinking that the six guys and chain of command had killed her

Just go through the motions

Afraid to trust

Afraid to feel

Dissociate because that is what she was taught

Sometimes have thought why did you just not fight them and make them kill you,

why did you just ya there, why did you not jump when you had the chance,

Sometimes have wanted to get rid of this body, to hide this body

so that men would not look at me or hurt me again

But the belief it happened because of what I was wearing and that I was drunk, came from society not me.

It is time to unlearn everything that society has taught me,

Time to learn to feel, to stay present, to cry, to be angry, to laugh, to sing.

Am learning every day that there are more threads to me

That I am rising and changing, rediscovering who I am becoming who I want to be

Putting the pieces back together and becoming an arrow continuing to rise into the light

Shining light on the things that I have never told anyone and letting go of old habits, old ways of doing things

I will become who I want to be and the world is going to hear me, ROAR!!

I will speak my truth, and they will hear me

I do not care what they think

No more excuses!! No more abuse!!

I am back!!!! I have the little girl back!!

She is stronger

She is beautiful

Yes she is changed, but she is complex, caring, and compassionate, understanding and she is faultless.

She has brought with her: Patience, Truth, Anger, and Empowerment

She is not alone and together we will rise.

 

 

Copyrighted 2015

Author: shellback0608

Julie "Jewels" is an Author, Poet, Nia Blue Belt, Green Belt, White Belt dance instructor, Reiki Jin Kei Do Energy Healer, and advocate. When she is not writing, you can find her learning new Nia routines, listening to healing music, taking photographs, playing with her dog and spending time with her friends and family.

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