Excerpt from The Journey Back to Myself

One of my poems,  PTSD 

PTSD

You are the enemy I fight

Every single day,

You are constantly there,

I do my best to keep you at bay,

I do not know when you are going to

Rear your ugly head,

 

I do not know what will happen

During the day to cause me to

Flashbacks and nightmares,

I do not know when

I will be triggered

And get into fight or flight,

 

All I know is that

there are times

When I am afraid,

There are times when

I cannot stand noise,

 

There are certain smells,

There are times when

I cannot stand being

Around people.

 

There are certain places that I avoid,

There are times when I am constantly

Looking over my shoulder,

There are times when I am afraid that

Something will happen to me,

 

There are times when I get

triggered that the

Images replay over

and over again,

Cannot relax,

Afraid,

 

There are times when

I cannot sleep and

I toss and turn

I finally get to sleep

I wake up crying,

 

My palms are sweaty,

My body is shaking,

My shoulders are tight,

My knee is hurting,

My ankle is hurting,

 

The nightmares that I had felt

like they are raping me again,

I leave me body,

I am not breathing any more,

 

I hear what they said to me,

Hear what the police officer said to me,

Hear what chain of command said to me,

 

Keep replaying over and over again

What he said in email and

how they did nothing to him

 

Try to tell myself that I am safe,

Try to do deep breathing

But when I breathe deeply

Start crying more and more.

 

 

 

 

Author: shellback0608

Julie "Jewels" is an Author, Poet, Nia Blue Belt, Green Belt, White Belt dance instructor, Reiki Jin Kei Do Energy Healer, and advocate. When she is not writing, you can find her learning new Nia routines, listening to healing music, taking photographs, playing with her dog and spending time with her friends and family.

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